(Leer en español) Every birthday since I started this blog I write what the year I leave behind has taught me (23 and 24), this time I have decided to do the same but add a little extra, I want to talk to you about what my expectations are regarding this new year of life, and boy I have a lot.
My 24s was a year full of important decisions and changes in my life, I started the year without a job – outrageous I know – but then I got two new jobs, I learned how to quit both of them because I was going to move to the other side of the world to chase my dreams aka studying a master in Tel Aviv University in Israel that is my second favourite country (Despite everything, Peru will always come first). And here I am finding myself – or better say redefining myself – in the Middle East.
I learned two things in the past 24 years and 11 months. Life is meaningless if you don’t fight for your dreams and your dreams are meaningless if you don’t have someone to share them with. Anyhow, I am proud to say that I have reached the 25 with quite a few tricks under my sleeve.
Things to learn
I took a mediation workshop as part of my master program, and in one of the simulations I was this woman who apparently didn’t park correctly, the counterpart made tons of remarks about it and I was definitely not sure what he said, I was lost and I just couldn’t argue back because I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE! and here is where I realised I need to learn, even though I believe driving in Lima (Where I come from) is pretty much a wild thing.
There are still many things left for me to discover, I am not done yet, I don’t think I ever will, but my goal for my upcoming years is to never stop learning. In the short term is learning how to drive a car, ride a bike and a new language, Russian seems interesting enough so far.
I remember my cousin once told me she was in a relationship with herself but it was time for her to be with someone else and she kind of accused me of being in a relationship with myself for too long, I think she was wrong then but she might be right now, which means I feel ready to have someone else in my life.
On this note, I was talking with certain guy on the phone and when he asked me why I was ready for a relationship I started saying: Well I am turning 25 and I realised I am… and he interrupted me to say: that you are scared you will end up alone? Needless to say I snapped despite him saying he was joking, though it got me thinking. I am not scared, if anything a long term life on my own sounds exciting, but having a guy along wouldn’t hurt either.
I think I am pretty much announcing to the world I am officially in the market, wasn’t I already in the market? I guess yes because guys asked me out, I went out in a few dates but there was always a breaking point, my plans were more important, we didn’t have common goals, among other things.
Saying I am in the market makes me feel like meat and I don’t like that, so to rephrase it I am no longer not looking for a relationship if that makes any sense, although it is related to the next point.
Marriage and kids
Relationships are supposed to lead to marriage (this is a delicate topic which at some point in the blog I will elaborate better) and marriage tends to lead to kids (once again, sensitive topic that has to be elaborated at some point in my blogging life).
Even though I just said out loud I am no longer not looking, I am not ready to talk about marriage or kids in at least 5 years, I am just not ready to make that decision, if I can’t keep a plant alive, most likely sure a little human is not a good alternative. Sorry, mum.
What I do want to highlight here despite all my crazy announcements – I can feel my family calling me already to ask further questions – is that the most important subject until now, and from now on as well is me.
I have been blessed with fantastic people: my family, my friends, my classmates, and as cocky as it sounds, they might have chosen to be around me, but it was me that chose to include them in every crazy step I take.
I have been living alone for the past 5 months, and it has been a wild trip. I have become more conscious about who I am and where I am heading. I am learning to own and love myself, to always stand for my own choices and work for my goals. I am being the person God thought about a lifetime ago, I am learning to live fully.
I am walking through my 25 and the rest of my life eager to learn more, apparently ready to share the journey with someone else but always keeping in mind that this is my ride and I have the reins.